Active AVM Life: The Start of my Yoga Teacher Training

Tomorrow, my 200 hour yoga teacher training course starts at New York Yoga and I'm nervous! I have an AVM in my left knee and never imagined I could do something like this. I've always felt like my balance was weak. Part of this experience for me is blasting through my fears and knowing that I'm perfect the way God made me.

I want to look back on this night and laugh at all of my angst. I am doing a lot of 1) WHAT IF THE TEACHER HATES ME? and 2) HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU TO BE POSITIVE? I am forcing myself to remember that, "take thing five minutes at time," strategy. When I first moved to New York City  I started going to this high end yoga studio (owned by Equinox) with waterfalls and it was super pretentious.  A hot guy sold me a year long membership. A drop in yoga school is great to belong to especially in the winter. I learned a lot but it was not the kind of place that encourages you to laugh at yourself.

What I've noticed from practicing yoga is that I'll immediately walk into a situation and try and place where I stack up against everyone else. You're your own worst enemy when it comes to finding ways to make yourself uncomfortable. I'm also convinced the gym has to be about being down to earth and not who is wearing the fanciest gear.  After bumping into yoga for yuppies (and questioning my own motivations) I'm giving this another shot as a real tells it like it is Jersey Girl. When you're in the zone yoga feels awesome. I'm the first to tell you that I've yet to conquer handstands, the crow position, and the complicated binds. This is a physical challenge for me and about being comfortable with being uncomfortable. I am going to share the quirks of my body with a group of people for 13 weeks! Hello intimacy. Look out class!

Students are required to take three classes a week not including the weekend sessions. We also have to practice teaching. I'm afraid I'll give the instructions wrong and torture a group of people. I don't think I have a clue how much this is about to take over my whole life. I can't make any other weekend plans until the end of January. I am missing friends visiting town and selling tickets I've had forever. Everything I've read and everyone I've talked to refers to the "great unleashing of emotions," from yoga and that doesn't sound like a common sense goal. Unleashed is a dangerous word.  I'm effectively going looking for emotional overwhelm so I can act surprised about it. That's the point of yoga, going through the poses tests your mental stamina. I am so looking forward to saying I pushed my body to a new level of STRENGTH.

Welcome to the Wild Lines AVM Project:

This project is dedicated to my mom who went through life with a rare condition called Arteriovenous malformations (AVMs). At 25 I still struggle to pronounce it. One of my earliest childhood memories involves feeling so much fear that comes from watching someone who is suffering from something that is so misunderstood. My mom passed away when she was 39 so I know what it is to promise someone you'll do all the things they wanted to do. I was in the fourth grade. I have an AVM in my left knee that was diagnosed when I was seven so I know what it's like to wonder if something may be fatal.

I learned not to talk about having an AVM because most people haven't heard of it and as a kid I assumed it held more power then it really did. I wasn't until this year that I decided I had had enough. I wanted to pursue every adventure sport and one day have healthy kids. I went back for more diagnostic testing this year and realized I wanted to help more families. Sometimes your purpose has been in front of your for your ENTIRE LIFE and you can sit through all the business classes and then it hits you in the face. Having a child or parent suffering from something you don't understand is super scary. I remember my Grandpa sneaking me in to see my mom in the hospital because kids weren't allowed. My Grandparents are the kind of people who are always positive and they didn't know what to do either.

One of the many things I want to do is help educate children about healthcare challenges. How you explain something physical to a young child can effect how they feel about their body for years. I want kids to know that they aren't defective. I remember visiting hospitals and doctors as a kid and not knowing what was really going on. My Mom had multiple AVMs throughout her body and there was no support system for her. It was before the Internet and I don't think any doctor ever connected her with a support system. I remember being in the cookbook section of my local bookstore and realizing that we know more about cooking a chicken then we do about our own physiology. Working on a cure is the bravest thing I could do with my life since every part of who you is useful. Here are my primary focuses:

1. Cure this condition through promoting research by supporting scientists and sharing their meaningful work.

2. Educate children with a focus on their needs about how to thrive emotionally and physically. We create the top fun programs for kid and teens facing a unique health situation.

3. Educate adults about their changing lifestyle needs and provide a creative support system. We strive to turn scary situations into a life that can be enjoyed.

4. Collaborate with doctors and reward the best for their quality of treatment. People all over the world should have access to the best medical care. We connect and help people fund what can be very expensive treatment.

5. Our events shatter the stigma that those with a rare condition can't participate in active activities. Our events get everyone moving and living life the fullest.