Tomorrow, my 200 hour yoga teacher training course starts at New York Yoga and I'm nervous! I have an AVM in my left knee and never imagined I could do something like this. I've always felt like my balance was weak. Part of this experience for me is blasting through my fears and knowing that I'm perfect the way God made me.
I want to look back on this night and laugh at all of my angst. I am doing a lot of 1) WHAT IF THE TEACHER HATES ME? and 2) HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU TO BE POSITIVE? I am forcing myself to remember that, "take thing five minutes at time," strategy. When I first moved to New York City I started going to this high end yoga studio (owned by Equinox) with waterfalls and it was super pretentious. A hot guy sold me a year long membership. A drop in yoga school is great to belong to especially in the winter. I learned a lot but it was not the kind of place that encourages you to laugh at yourself.
What I've noticed from practicing yoga is that I'll immediately walk into a situation and try and place where I stack up against everyone else. You're your own worst enemy when it comes to finding ways to make yourself uncomfortable. I'm also convinced the gym has to be about being down to earth and not who is wearing the fanciest gear. After bumping into yoga for yuppies (and questioning my own motivations) I'm giving this another shot as a real tells it like it is Jersey Girl. When you're in the zone yoga feels awesome. I'm the first to tell you that I've yet to conquer handstands, the crow position, and the complicated binds. This is a physical challenge for me and about being comfortable with being uncomfortable. I am going to share the quirks of my body with a group of people for 13 weeks! Hello intimacy. Look out class!
Students are required to take three classes a week not including the weekend sessions. We also have to practice teaching. I'm afraid I'll give the instructions wrong and torture a group of people. I don't think I have a clue how much this is about to take over my whole life. I can't make any other weekend plans until the end of January. I am missing friends visiting town and selling tickets I've had forever. Everything I've read and everyone I've talked to refers to the "great unleashing of emotions," from yoga and that doesn't sound like a common sense goal. Unleashed is a dangerous word. I'm effectively going looking for emotional overwhelm so I can act surprised about it. That's the point of yoga, going through the poses tests your mental stamina. I am so looking forward to saying I pushed my body to a new level of STRENGTH.
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